FanPost

Tim's Preview: Game 2, Milwaukee Bucks

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I know this isn't a buck. That's just how vicious the Wolves are this year. They'll get you and then go after the rest of your family just for fun.

Minnesota Timberwolves (0-1) vs. Milwaukee Bucks (0-1) at Target Center

Okay, the Wolves didn't exactly get the win against Sacramento. In the words of the great Bob Uecker, "personally, I think we got hosed on that one." But if there is one thing that the Timberwolves do well, it's rebound, and we are going to do just that Friday night against the Milwaukee Bucks. The Bucks lost their first game to Chris Paul and New Orleans Hornets on Wednesday night, so both teams will be looking for their first win of the season.

It's pretty clear who is going to win this one, but let's take a look at the matchups anyway.

Andrew Bogut vs. Darko Milicic

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Andrew Bogut making his way to the arena before tomorrow night's game in the Twin Cities. 

Like the trainers in Portland, the trainers in Milwaukee must have made a mistake when treating Andrew Bogut. They fixed his broken arm but the training staff did nothing to fix Bogut's broken shot, as the Aussie went 3-10 from the line on Wednesday night against the Hornets. According to beat reporter Jerry Zgoda, when asked about facing Bogut on Friday, Darko Milicic responded by saying, " that guy was drafted where? The first pick? Man, what a bust!"

Meanwhile, Darko is coming off of a stellar triple-quadruple performance (four blocks, four rebounds and four fouls) against the Kings and is already generating All-Star buzz around the Milicic household.

Winner: Darko Milicic

 

Drew Gooden vs. Kevin Love

(Disclaimer: Kevin Love is subject to replacement depending on his defensive effort)

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Drew Gooden shows off his new beard.

 

Did you know that Drew Gooden's father met his mother, Ulla, while playing pro basketball in Aanekoski, Finland? That means that Drew is half-American and half-Finnish. Of course, he is all-Finished if he thinks he is going to get a win in the Target Center on Friday night. The best thing that anyone can say about Mr. Gooden is that he is only 4 years away from being referred to as Drew Gooden's Expiring Contract. Quality signing, Mr. Hammond.

Meanwhile, Kevin Love is good enough to make the Team USA basketball squad, but not good enough to beat out Anthony Tolliver for 4th quarter minutes against the Kings. Using deductive reasoning, this means that the Minnesota Timberwolves are better than the Team USA squad and are obviously better than the Milwaukee Bucks.

Winner: Kevin Love

 

Carlos Delfino vs. Michael Beasley

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This South Andean Deer (Carlosus delfinocus) is an endangered species that is native to the mountains of Argentina. 

Carlos Delfino does a little bit of everything for the Milwaukee Bucks. He shoots, he passes, he defends. Of course, he can't do any of those things well, which is why his Russian Super League club Khimki Moscow Region told him to leave the country for the NBA or the KGB would come after him like Denzel Washington in Training Day.

Michael Beasley, on the other hand, is the second highest scorer in the NBA's Minnesota Region and remains a triple threat as a scorer, shot maker and "guy who puts the basketballs in the hoops". Buenos Aires (where Delfino came from) is a sister city to Miami (where Beasley came from), and ironically, Delfino plays like Beasley's little sister.

Winner: Michael Beasley

 

John Salmons vs. Wayne Ellington

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By rule, John Salmons can only play well after he has been traded midway through the season. He played well after being traded from Sacramento to Chicago. He was solid after going from Chicago to Milwaukee. He'll probably do well when he is inevitably traded from Milwaukee to Charlotte in January for DeSagana Diop and Gerald Henderson

But that's January. It's only October. And since MLA break was last week, John is in for a nice long week of school, taught by Professor Ellington. Tomorrow night, the only trade that John will be involved in is trading his Snack Pack to Wayne for a granola bar that tastes like shame and defeat.

Winner: Wayne Ellington

 

 

Brandon Jennings vs. Luke Ridnour

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A picture taken last year of former Buck Luke Ridnour (left) and current fawn Brandon Jennings. 

Some people in the media have described the relationship between Luke Ridnour and Brandon Jennings as teacher-student or mentor-mentee, since Ridnour had perhaps the best season of his career while grooming Jennings as a future All-Star point guard. However, like almost always happens, the media got this story wrong. Ridnour was not a mentor. He was a mole. Planted by David Kahn in the Bucks' organization with the task of turning Brandon Jennings into an inefficient, shoot-first point guard who does not make his team better.

Ramon Sessions was intended to be a mole, but his cover was blown, and we had to call him back to base early. As punishment for his poor work, Sessions was exiled to the NBA labor camp in Cleveland, Ohio.

Ridnour, however, did his job well and he gets to feast on the fruits of his labor Friday night.. Revenge, like winters in Minnesota and Wisconsin, is best served cold and Mr. Jennings may want to bring an extra pair of mittens for tomorrow night.

Winner: Luke Ridnour

 

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At the end of the day, the Timberwolves' will easily defeat the Milwaukee Bucks, thanks to our own Boris Godunov (Nikola Pekovic), the sinister Mr. Rambis and our Fearless Leader, David Kahn. And this time, Rocky J. Squirrel is no where to be found.

I anticipate that tomorrow's game will be one of the scariest moments in Bucks' history, next to the time that the team met Sarah Palin and she started shooting at them. Wolves in in a rout.

My prediction: Timberwolves 95 - Milwaukee 82

 

1-1, 80 games to go until the playoffs.

 


 

 

 

 


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