David Kahn's Guide to Home Building
by Jon Marthaler on Apr 22, 2010 12:01 PM CDT
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PrintIn a lot of ways, building a basketball team is like building a home. Both need a solid foundation, both need one clear vision for the goals of the project, and both need one person at the top of the structure, guiding the project to completion.
With that in mind, we present a step-by-step guide to home building, as written by Timberwolves president of basketball operations David Kahn.
- Set expectations. Tell the owner that their home won't be completely ready for two or three more years, no matter what happens.
- Start building. This is a great time to begin construction. Start building every one of the rooms of the house now. Just build them separately, and wedge them together later.
- Create blueprint. Now's the time to think about what you actually want the house to look like. May we suggest six of the exact same bedroom? You can never have too many bedrooms. Tell the future resident that you're "acquiring assets," even if you have eighteen bedrooms at this point.
- Randomly destroy four rooms. It doesn't matter which four. Even if you've just destroyed the kitchen, the basement, and both bathrooms.
- Hire a project manager who's completely opposed to your blueprint. For example, if you're looking for a swooping, Frank Gehry-style house, hire a former Soviet architect who's only ever built concrete memorials. Or if you're looking for a solid, squarish, normal, two-bedroom house, see if you can get Frank Gehry!
- Start changing what rooms are for. It's a bedroom! Now it's a family room! Now it's an office! Now put in a sauna and a hot tub!
- Pile all of the rooms together and let the owner move in. But make sure they know that construction isn't finished yet. Blame any problems, like the inevitable structural deficiencies or code violations, on the previous architect.
- Build three extra bedrooms. Just in case.
- Remodel the kitchen. Even though you just built it, it could always use an upgrade.
- Bad-mouth the house. Keep telling the owner that the house still needs lots of work, such as doors from most of the rooms into the other rooms.
- Remember those extra bedrooms? Put toilets and sinks into every one of them. Can't have enough bathrooms. Even if they also have walk-in closets and are way too big.
- Build five more rooms. But remember, you have to take out five rooms to make these fit. May we suggest picking those five rooms at random?
The biggest thing to remember, of course, is this: don't get angry. No matter who wants to talk - the owner, curious neighbors, the city council, the Feds - make sure to be gracious, open, and endearing. If you sound honest and open, people will much more inclined to let you get away with a scattershot style of home building. And who knows? It could all end up working out in the end. Somehow.
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With a little luck ...
you’ll get a great discount on a state-of-the-art entertainment system for your family room
As far as I can tell
Kahn has completed step 1, and is in the process of planning steps 2 and 3 right now (more of a design-build approach, actually, where you don’t need finished blueprints to start building because you can control the entire process).
Perhaps you disagree, but I would say this year was step 1.5: raze the foundations of the prior house and test the leftover building materials for structural adequacy for potential re-use in the new house.
"Thankfully, they are not straw-colored brain bats."
If NBA players were commodity parts, one could build a team like a house.
David Kahn and all of us might agree: we need a load-bearing piece like Evan Turner. We need that beam for the house, or however you want the metaphor to work. But unless the Wolves land at #2 come May 18th, doggedly following that plan would go badly.
It’s not like we can just go to another Home Despot and pick up the same beam from their stock, you know? Maybe the parts we get to choose from will be redundant. Another bathroom sink trap. Dang. Let’s see if we can patch that in over here….
(In any case, Kahn took over from another contractor. Some of the redundant pieces are leftovers he inherited.)
"It has come to the editor’s attention that the Herald-Leader neglected to cover the civil rights movement. We regret the omission."
I hope this summer shows that
Kahn has a plan to build a team, not pieces. Like you say, getting in the top 2 at the lottery is very important. If not, let’s hope he tries to build a team and not pieces.
for the record
It’s funny that you worded it Home Despot and not Home Depot. Because a Despot is a totalitarian ruler who controls all, and in this case that would be David Stern. Since the “load bearing beam” (aka the star) is acquired through the draft lottery…cough…cough…rigged….cough….cough, that might be exactly what Kahn has to do.
A Darko Fan since 2010!
by TheEvilProfessor on Apr 22, 2010 1:56 PM CDT up reply actions
(Just my pet name for that store.)
But, yeah.
"It has come to the editor’s attention that the Herald-Leader neglected to cover the civil rights movement. We regret the omission."
I like to think of it as the Domicile Dictator
by I.M. Fletcher on Apr 22, 2010 4:36 PM CDT up reply actions
Hitler Hut
"It's not too far; it just seems like it is."
by WillistonCoyote on Apr 23, 2010 6:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Frank Gehry, you mean like a major university
built in a traditional sense with brick and concrete…then choosing Gehry to design a centerpiece art building that sticks out like the snot on your lip after sneezing up a days worth of sickness!
I was hoping for a house in the shape of the glass fish at the Walker.
"It has come to the editor’s attention that the Herald-Leader neglected to cover the civil rights movement. We regret the omission."
I'll take the Gehry building
over those 70s concrete monstrosities like Rarig.
My dear old alam mater may not be consistent, but at least the museum is a beautiful building inside and an interesting building on the outside.
It is very nice inside
I just wish it was in a different location, like next to the Guthrie! That or just different color on the exterior, maybe some bronze and copper, with a little limestone or something to make it fit. I’m a big believer that great architecture fits the area it is constructed, this buildings exterior is a big fail in that regard. The fact that it sits basically at the entrance to the East Bank just makes it even worse for me.
The 70’s buildings definitely leave something to be desired. When I was a freshman I took a bus to campus from the east, going down University. One of the medical buildings always reminded me of a dog sitting at attention (still does).
I had an architect friend
who referred to Rarig and Moos halls as “Oppressivist” buildings. The corbeled tops were some sort of play on a castle’s towers, or something.
Eck.
"It has come to the editor’s attention that the Herald-Leader neglected to cover the civil rights movement. We regret the omission."
Oppressivist
I’m going to use that, perfectly fits that era. Communist Concrete Creations of Depression.
I agree Bumblebee, they could have used bronze or copper and it might have fit in better. I’m okay with it as is, it doesn’t fit in exactly but I’m probably just happy they went with something out of the ordinary.
I think this post was the long way of saying
a tornado just ravaged our house and some hobo just took a shit in our bed.
Eh
I was one of the first to start criticizing the Flynn pick heavily, that was an important miss. But everything else has been pretty decent (Darko, the trade for the pick to take Rubio, NOT taking on bad contracts for a whole year). This feels like a quickie rip job that isn’t really substantiated.
We get it – bedrooms = point guards. Okay, that joke was funny 10 months ago, briefly. Otherwise your only complaint appears to be that Rambis and Kahn aren’t on the same page – that may be proven out but I don’t think it’s a definite right now.
Why are we criticizing Khan right now?
It’s all been said before. Either you like what he’s done, you don’t, or you’re undecided (like me). Yes, the Flynn pick might’ve been a little off, but Rubio and Ellington look like solid picks. Hollins was a horrible signing but Milicic and Sessions appear to be solid rotational players. No one bats 100% and you certainly can’t judge a GM after 9 months on the job. If he were building to win now, then we could criticize, but he’s not. Until he does something (i.e., the draft, a trade, a free agent) we can’t really say much more.
Also, I don’t think building a basketball team is in any way comparable to designing and building a house. You don’t build rooms and then “cinch them together” when you complete the house. This is in no way comparable. It’s more like hiring solid employees. You try to get the ones with the best education and the most shown potential. It is way to early to judge Khan
I'm probably a little oversensitive about this
I hate the way Simmons continually uses Kahn as a joke in his writing. And a few other national writers have done the same.
I realize it won’t change until the team is on the upswing and we use that money on a good FA and/or Rubio comes over. But I’m a little afraid of us getting the Clippers treatment, where we become a bad team in part because we are perceived as a joke and that leads to FAs staying away.
I fear that train has already left the station
We Are the Washington Generals
by Eric in Madison on Apr 22, 2010 7:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Agreed. The New Operations Personnel Have Just Started.
If we can give snobama a break on inheriting a mess, I think that goes double for
these guys (Rambis/Kahn). Heck, they’re still just trying to get their bearings and
the compass was spinning ’round wildly.
I know there are haters out there, but damn, after all these years of screw ups, give
these guys a chance. You know the team is hopelessly overmatched talent wise.
Question: Why does mostly everyone want another point guard. Shouldn’t we be
drafting a 6’9" athletic forward in the style of Durant?
We have Rubio coming, no?
"It's not too far; it just seems like it is."
by WillistonCoyote on Apr 23, 2010 5:58 PM CDT up reply actions
It sounds like Kahn is describing this...
http://www.winchestermysteryhouse.com/
"It's not too far; it just seems like it is."
by WillistonCoyote on Apr 23, 2010 6:03 PM CDT reply actions
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