(I totally misunderstood the title of Dr. Wolfenstein's recent fanshot, "In two years Rambis..." It turns out that it was about Rambis's two-year track record as head coach of the Timberwolves. Having learned nothing about the future for our friend Kyriakos Rambidis, I decided to consult my crystal ball. The following are a few tentative conclusions, but there's a lot more to learn so I encourage you all to gaze into your own balls as well.)
In two years Kurt Rambis will be...
...lobbying to become coach of Greece's Olympic basketball team because he's got a foolproof plan to win gold in 2032 and it takes a long time to implement the dodecahedron offense.
...undergoing LASIK-reversal surgery so that he can get some use out of the 33 boxes of prescription "Kurt Rambis" safety glasses that he has left over from his playing days.
...storming out of the room every time new Inside the NBA co-host Derrick Fisher begins to banter with Kenny Smith. There is no such thing as a legitimate two-PG lineup.
...stopping by the Emergency Room on the way to his LASIK-reversal appointment so that he can get his left arm reattached. It was a bad idea to use those old prescription safety glasses for this one quick chainsaw job.
...lecturing to corporate audiences on strategies for last-minute success under the title "Best-Case Scenario: A Luke Ridnour Fallaway Three"
...making his adult film debut as lead actor in the menage-a-trois drama "Triangle Offense: The Third Leg."