FanPost

Red Dawn

Red Dawn was an amazing movie. Russians invaded, Americans kicked their asses, and it involved Powers Boothe (strongest name ever). As a child, I was scared of Mother Russia's capabilities. I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before we would all be forced to play chess, do their crazy knee dance, and be read Dostoyevsky for bedtime stories. So, needless to say, I was excited when the Wolverines repelled their advances with just a couple of guns and a tank takeover. USA!

But now I'm confused. The cold war is long over. From what I've seen, Russia has become a giant frat house. It's just kind of messy, they drink constantly, and pull off things like this:


There are things in Russian culture that I want to adopt as my own. Do I want to substitute most of my daily water intake with vodka? Ummm yes. Do I want to keep my head warm with a giant furry hat? Of course! Do I want to cover my entire back with a nightmare picture of a knight riding some sort of winged demon? Absolutely!!!

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via cache.gawkerassets.com

Fear has been replaced by hope. So what if Andrei Kirilenko was out of the NBA last year? He just needed some time in the homeland. He needed to spend time with his people, work on his help defense, ride in a couple of burnt out cars, jump from rooftops, and get his confidence back up.


Even better, AK-47 decided to bring a little Russia back with him in the form of 6'6" guard Alexey Shved. Alexey was barely alive when communism collapsed. All he's known is frat-house Russia. He has sweet long hair and a game akin to Ginobli (at least in the highlight reels that I've seen so far).

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via www.wcsh6.com

He looks like he could either be a bond villain or a member of a 90's boy band. Could he and Rubio take over the hearts and minds of Minnesota tweens? Could we combine the backcourt of Ricky and Alexey with a front court of Kirilenko and Pekovic to form the most adorable, yet frightening, starting lineup ever created? I say yes.

It's been a long road for me. From red-tinged nightmares as a youth to full blown fascination as an adult. Welcome to Minnesota Russian overlords. We've been waiting for you for quite some time. It's up to you to hold the front lines until Ricky and Kevin get back. This is your Leningrad.

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