FanPost

The Six Million Dollar Anthony Randolph



Through the magic of the interwebs, I watched my first Wolves preseason game last night. The totally legal channel that I was watching was a bit grainy, and kept showing Canadian commercials, but it allowed me to take in the new look Timberwolves in real time.

I was watching the baseball game as well, causing some moments of distraction (that Kung Fu Panda can hit a baseball). In between pitches, I glanced back at my computer screen and saw Anthony Randolph running down the court. I did a double take, began hyperventilating, and tried to wade through the pixelated screen. Who was that tall, skinny guy with the headband on? I thought Randolph was let go this summer, or traded, or driven to a corn field to be used as a scarecrow.

Ar43_medium

via 3.bp.blogspot.com

Was I going to have to endure another season of seeing Sad-face McGee? Or his 3rd grade level post moves? Or his propensity for turnovers on ill-advised drives? Did I have to spend 8 months wondering if he made this face...

Anthonyrandolph4_18150_jpg_medium

via vmedia.rivals.com
...because he didn't get the puppy he wanted for Christmas or if the other kids called him names like Scarecrow or Sad-Faced Mcgee?

I continued watching, trying to convince myself that this was the season he fulfilled his athletic promise, when I noticed that 2012 Randolph was actually hustling. He was all over the place. Getting rebounds, put-back dunks, defensive pressure, showing emotions other than depressed kitten. This was not the Anthony Randolph that I grew up with. This was someone who could actually contribute to a winning team.

The only explanation that I could think of was extensive surgery. Someone must have replaced the Eor part of his brain with a brain that actually cared about winning basketball games. The Timberwolves surgical team made Anthony Randolph the six million dollar man. It was the only logical explanation...

...Or that it was a completely different person, which I realized when I unmuted the announcers and had a brief moment of clarity on my computer screen. This was no Anthony Randolph. This was Dante Cunningham.

1298586393-dante_medium

via www.portlandmercury.com

Look at him!!!! Look at how happy he is! And how happy he's making those kittens! And that's before he ever got to play with a tiny elf named JJ and receive passes from a Spanish boyband member named Ricky. He's the anti-Randolph. He may not be 6'11" with 32' wingspan, but at least he works hard and gets people excited.

Welcome Randolph 2.0. We're excited to have you. Just don't take minutes away from Derrick Williams, because that will make everyone upset.

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