Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2012 Minnesota Timberwolves are on their way to 82-0!

(looks around)

(hears no applause)

OK, it was an ugly win, but how excited were you by those big FOURTEEN points on shots outside the paint?

(still no applause, someone throws a JJ Barea-sized shoe at the podium)

(starts to get worried)

But you have to admit Wes, Beasley, Darko and The Sad Dog That Ate Anthony Randolph's Face couldn't have pulled this one out after that ugly start to the third quarter, right?

(grumbling approval, several men stop drinking)

And how long and athletic was AK-47 tonight?

(smattering of golf claps)

And how about Brandon "Look Ma, No Knees" Roy returning to his closing ways?

(shouts of approval, someone burns Wes Johnson in effigy)

So it sounds like what we really need is a poll, right?

(auditorium erupts in applause)

(announcer rides away on a unicorn)

*

"Wait -- you played me HOW many minutes?"