(ED NOTE: This is pretty exciting. Instead of heading out on the morning talk show circuit to promote his latest film, Lincoln, Daniel Day Lewis has already begun preparation for his next role: Tears Of A Triangle, The Kurt Rambis Story. He is starting the "Voyage to Kurt" by studying what he calls Rambis' Lake Period, or when he coached the Minnesota Timberwolves. Tonight, Mr. Lewis will be working on Rambis' transition to ESPN Analyst by providing a game wrap for the Wolves/Clippers tilt. Please welcome Daniel...I mean, Kurt to our site.)
Hey guys. Tonight the Minnesota Timberwolves--a team with a losing record put together by a guy who has blown three top-six draft picks and has strangely not been seen for quite a while--showed up at Staples Center to play the Los Angeles Clippers.
Speaking of Los Angeles, just seeing the words "Los Angeles" takes me back to Showtime. Me and Magic. Me and Kareem. Me and James Worthy. We were fighters, man. But we were also entertainers. Fightertainers. I learned a lot of life lessons from that experience. I wore glasses. I had my face put on a billboard. I waved towels. I was close-lined. You know, deep life lessons.
One time, Magic brought in these two fine bikini-clad women he met at Venice Beach. Man. Good times. Lots of life lessons.
I've gotten kind of sidetracked. I'm supposed to be talking about the basketball action in the game between the Minnesota Timberwolves and the Los Angeles...
You know, after retirement I was lucky enough to be able to come back to LA with the great Phil Jackson. Me and Phil. Me and the Triangle. Man, that was fun. I learned a lot of life lessons. Deep ones. Deep ones about Phil's yogurt books and his deep belief in Buddyism. That man was completely dedicated to his friends. Me and Phil used to hang out all the time with Jeannie Buss and my wife. Deep life lessons, man, deep. You just kind of had to soak everything in and...yeah, man. It was great.
Sorry, Mr. Rambis?
Yes. Stop-n-Pop, is it?
Sure, that's fine. Nate works, too. Mr. Rambis, we have lots and lots of readers who get up very early to read this site in hopes that they can get a good recap of last night's game. I think they'd really like to hear more about the game versus the Clippers and less about Showtime and your time with Phil Jackson.
You think that, Stop?
Have you ever played professional basketball?
It's a simple questions, n-Pop. Have you ever played professional basketball?
Obviously no, but I don't...
Well if you had, Stop-n-Pop-n-Nate, you'd know that the greatest lessons about this game are learned through direct osmosis. The simple act of being in the building next to great performers like Magic, Kareem, James Worthy, Phil Jackson...have you been on the same bench as Phil Jackson?
I don't know that I'd...
I'll take that as a "no," Jerk-n-Flop. You haven't been on the same bench as Phil Jackson. You haven't learned the Triangle Offense at the hands of the guy who ran it for 10 NBA Championships.
You haven't been in the Los Angeles Forum to see Showtime in its full glory, nor do you know what that means in terms of explaining the game to novices. Novices like yourself.
I got to say, Mr. Day Lewis, this is even more amazing in person. It's uncanny. The speed at which you...
So you see, readers of Canis Hoopus, the Minnesota Timberwolves played in Los Angeles last night. Los Angeles, home of Showtime and Dr. Buss, owner of the Timberwolves and boyfriend father in law of the greatest coach in professional sports history, Phil Jackson, who I often have dinner with.
The Wolves didn't run the Triangle Offense. Their coach is some guy who runs something called the "pick and roll." I don't know what you're supposed to do with something that Phil Jackson, the greatest coach in professional sports history, didn't run, but there you have it.
Um, Mr. Da...Rambis. The game?
I don't see David Kahn in the audience tonight. That's funny, because I don't see Derrick Williams, either. Hell of a drafter, that Kahn. He really knows how to pick, em. I don't see Wes Johnson or Jonny Flynn out there. Rubio either, although that's ok, I never got to see him play, either.
You sound pretty upset, Kurt.
No. I'm a realist and I don't want to hurt my chances with Kermit. Kermit's a bitch, you know, Ying and yong. Man, I learned so much from Phil.
Yeah, he sounds like quite the guy.
Great, great man. Say, I just got a text from Jeannie Buss. She and my wife want to meet up with Phil and I for dinner at this new fusion TexMex Sushi joint up on Connecticut. Are you good to wrap this up?
I think I can handle it.
Remember. Osmosis is everything.
Thanks Dan..I mean, Kurt.
ED NOTE: Wow, that Mr. Day Lewis can really act the hell out of things, can't he? Just amazing. I really didn't take any notes on the game tonight because I thought Daniel had things taken care of. Instead, we'll roll with the blogger's crutch: bullet points.
This was pretty amazing:
|7:50||Dante Cunningham misses 19-foot jumper||81-80|
|7:50||Malcolm Lee offensive rebound||81-80|
|7:47||Malcolm Lee misses layup||81-80|
|7:46||Malcolm Lee offensive rebound||81-80|
|7:45||Malcolm Lee misses layup||81-80|
|7:43||Malcolm Lee offensive rebound||81-80|
|7:43||Malcolm Lee misses layup||81-80
- Derrick Williams got some playing time tonight. Within the first 3 minutes of court time he gave a pitch perfect example of why he has been sitting on the damn bench. After having a nice put-back dunk (with a bit-too-large-yell for someone who has done Jack and S**t in his career), Williams then missed an early-in-the-shot-clock 3 while not getting back on defense to guard Matt Barnes, who hit a 3 of his own. 6 points in less than 10 seconds.
- Nikola Pekovic was matched up with Blake Griffin. This happened. A lot. Down low and on the perimeter. Pek more than held his own and did not get burned at any point. It was really a nice defensive performance. Unfortunately, Pek didn't have the best of nights on the offensive end of the court, missing a bunch of bunnies that would have helped swing the game in favor of Our Beloved Puppies. If Pek starts shooting at last year's clip, look out.
- I went and saw Skyfall again. This time, I went looking for a Macaulay Culkin secret background cameo. After all, if you're going to remake Home Alone...
- Bad shooting sucks. You can't hope to win too many games while shooting under 40% from the field. That's just too many extra free throws needed for victory. Check out tonight's four factors. The Wolves killed the boards and free throws. They also got out-shot by a wide margin and turned the ball over at a greater clip. Still, the shooting sticks out like a sore thumb.
- Malcolm Lee played like an actual starter tonight.
- It would have been really nice to have AK 47 in tonight's game.
- It would have been really nice to have Chase Budinger in tonight's game.
- It would have been really nice to have Ricky Rubio in tonight's game.