In memory of our friend Tim Allen, who set the bar for humor and loving-kindness on Canis Hoopis. RIP.

1. Didn’t want to make rest of GM’s look bad after signing Schved, Kirilenko and Budinger this summer.

2. Thought Orlando’s earlier demand for Wes Johnson, Michael Beasley, Darko Milicic and Anthony Randolph was unreasonable.

3. Knew the above trade would be vetoed by David Stern for creating an unbeatable “Big Four” in Orlando.

4. Saving max contract for Ricky Rubio.

5. Already has a promising shot blocker in Greg Stiemsma

6. Did not think Howard would fit into teams current color scheme, was unwilling to pay decorator to start over from scratch.

7. Laser focus on acquiring Nic Batum left Kahn unaware that Dwight Howard was on the market.

8. Orlando’s GM changed his phone number and refused to share new contact information with David Kahn.

9. Pau Gasol or bust!

10. Won’t trade for another player with a bad back till Portland makes him whole on Martell Webster