An Homage*

To Tim.

I always viewed Tim as my nemesis on Canis. Not in a bad way: just that we had, by and large, opposite ways of looking at things. He entertained himself and the rest of us with an over the top optimism and a wonderful disposition, whereas I entertain myself and maybe a few others with boundless pessimism and frustration.

And so I thought I would honor(?) his memory by doing what I do: writing about the worst case scenario for the 2012-2013 Wolves. Hopefully it's equal parts nauseating and amusing. (As more then one woman has called me in the past). Take the jump.

I don't mean worst case scenario like a team-wide breakout of the West Nile Virus or the entire starting line-up suffering from vertigo or something. I mean: how can things realistically go bad for this team?

Most of it is obvious, right? Rubio doesn't get back until January, and isn't himself all year. It turns out that his play is even more vital to the team's success then we thought, and they have trouble getting out of neutral without him.

In the meantime, Brandon Roy's knees simply cannot take the rigors of the NBA, and he just cannot play. Alexey Shved shows an occasional flash of brilliance, but mostly struggles. All of a sudden, the off-guard position is just as bereft as it was last season. Ridnour and/or Barea are desperately trying to fill in, but that ain't a playoff caliber backcourt situation.

Meanwhile, Andrei Kirilenko plays 55 games, and settles into a decline phase that we hoped wasn't happening based on his apparent Olympic rejuvenation. Unfortunately, it turns out that playing against Great Britain and China is a bit different then the NBA.

Up front, Derrick Williams actually loses his minutes to Dante Cunningham, and another top pick's value falls off a cliff. Nikola Pekovic remains a force, but persistent ankle trouble keeps him from truly dominating the post like he can when he's healthy. Greg Stiemsma all of a sudden remembers that he couldn't even get consistent playing time at Wisconsin, and turns into the guy who should be dominating your local Y league and selling insurance.

The Wolves go 32-50 and end the year with no obvious way forward. Kevin Love, having averaged 24 and 14 and once again having been an all-star on a non-playoff team sarcastically suggests that things would have been better had be been the actual GM instead of the "assistant GM." Rick Adelman throws up his hands and retires. Glen Taylor remarks that none of this was foreseeable, and he's very happy with David Kahn, who he proceeds to reward with a contract extension.

How do you see the Wolves season going bad?

*Also feel free to debate whether it should be "An homage" or "A homage." I believe either is acceptable, but prefer the French-influenced pronunciation with a silent "H."


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