Regular Note: I never grade my students on an assignment for which I haven't expressed my specific expectations. Since I'm grading the Timberwolves tonight, I thought it only fair that I first issue an assignment sheet. Here it is.

Assignment:

The participants will compete in a National Basketball Association contest against the San Antonio Spurs in Minneapolis, Minnesota on Tuesday, March 12, 2013 at 7:00 PM CST (0100 13 MAR 2013 Zulu). To do this, the participant (player or coach) must identify, communicate, and execute plays, each of which ideally results in a Timberwolves player sending the basketball through the appropriate hoop in a downward direction (i.e. scoring) while devising and implementing individual and team strategies for preventing the San Antonio Spurs from doing the same. On offense, interior shots and sensible three-point attempts are preferred, but midrange jump shots can be justified if the shot clock is nearing zero, if the shooter is poorly- or unguarded and is well positioned, or if the shooter is not Greg Steimsma. This competition is required to include four quarters of play, but may, under special circumstances, include attachments in the form of overtime periods. To receive a passing grade for this assignment, the participant must show competence in the objectives as well as meet all requirements.

Objectives:

• To demonstrate an understanding of and ability to exercise core skills, such as dribbling, passing, and shooting.
• To disrupt the opposing players in their attempts to demonstrate the same.
• To minimize turnovers of all kinds.
• To use set plays and unexpected opportunities to contrive to score more points than the opposition.
• To not disappoint Ricky with lack of effort or stupid mistakes.
• Play Chris Johnson!
• To make your damn free throws! (I'm looking at you, Derrick Williams every current Timberwolf.)
• Not in the face!

Requirements:

• Appropriate attire must be worn. See The Official Rules of the National Basketball Association. (Jaric Note: Jerseys must be worn such that the player's name appears on the back, not on the chest.)
• Players must not commit six personal fouls or two technical fouls. A player may foul when fouling is appropriate or unavoidable, but must have presence of mind to avoid fouling otherwise.
• Coaches must not commit any personal fouls or two technical fouls.
• The list is too long. Just see the The Official Rules of the National Basketball Association.

New Vocabulary for This Unit:

Lollipop Guild: Any lineup that includes all three of Ricky Rubio, Luke Ridnour, and JJ Barea.

The Walking Shved: What's left of our Russian rookie. After hitting the rookie wall, the kid's falling apart, and he's just kind of shambling around.