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Time Machine: The Retro-Draft



Friends, Enemies, Frienemies of CanisHoopus,

Salutations, and a wondrous Summer to you all! May the blessings of years past revisit you in those to follow, joyously accompanied by new wonders and delights. May your solemn absence be softly soothed by sweet memories of times past and of things yet to come.

I feel as if though many a year has passed and unfolded events clandestine to my knowledge. Have you traveled abroad, to discover fields of plenty? Have you remained, but for the love of the heartland, sipping not but milk and honey? I propose this question, may it by the mercy of providence not fall on deaf ears: What strange fates have prevented our communication for these days which resemble eons?...

Alright, now that I've got your attention (or in all likelihood, completely lost your attention), in an almost unprecedented move I will now attempt to avoid bullshit and cut to the facts:

Folks, being a fan of the Timberwolves has turned me into a man who only ever looks to the future. The past is irrelevant, non-existent. As far as I'm concerned, anything that happened yesterday may as well have happened when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Today however I make an exception to that line of thinking.

While taking a break from doing my third set of knuckle push-ups the other day (wearing a Kevin Love jersey no-less), I sat down to read this fine blog's article on the topic of what was to be done with star college athlete Derrick Williams' contract this season. Much of the eloquent terminology used to describe Mr. Williams style of play were along the lines of statements such as, "sucks", "not good", and "cannot play the game of basketball" (among many other similar sentiments expressed).

This got me thinking: Who should the Wolves have drafted with the second pick instead? Then I got thinking about other seemingly promising drafts gone awry (Out of respect, I won't bother pointing out which ones, as the names are unspeakable). Who should the Wolves have drafted instead of those human atrocities?

At this point, you probably see where I'm going with this. I'm offering you an opportunity to retroactively fake-change history!! I'm giving you the chance for a do-over! THIS is the OFFICIAL CanisHoopus 2013 Re-Draft! (Actually, it's unofficial, but please participate in spite of that).

Here are the rules: The re-draft starts at 2007 (Corey B) and ends at 2013 (Bazz). Obviously you may not choose from the players which were drafted before the Wolves had their pick. Also you are not allowed to trade-up or do some weird hypothetical wheeling-and-dealing (like somehow we could have gotten Kevin Durrant, or something like that). Just make your picks purely based on the first pick that the Wolves had in any given draft.

I realize that there are some instances where the Wolves traded their first pick (like the Chase Budinger thing), in which case you can just decide to keep the player that we traded for OR choose a different player based on the original draft position that the Wolves had. Furthermore, if the Wolves had two first round picks that year, don't bother with the second one and don't worry about second rounders. Just make one pick per year (except for 2009 where you get 2 picks). Obviously, if you agree with the teams pick (which will be a rare situation of course), then you are welcome to just pick the same player (i.e. Kevin Love... or who knows, maybe you would have preferred Roy Hibbert?).

Somehow I've found this exercise to be simple, complicated, fun, and strikingly depressing all at the same time (mainly fun though).

So there you go! You are Marty McFly. Fire up your Delorean, get that bastard up to 88 mph, and create your ideal re-draft! This should be interesting.

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