This is going be a bit different, as I wasn't planning on doing the report card tonight and was studying for an exam for most of it so I only small bits and pieces (and likely spent more time on the gamethread than watching). Instead of a report card on what actually happened, this will be my grading everyone on how I imagine they played.
Kevin Love (A+++) - 38 minutes, 4-12 FG, 12-14 FT, 10 Rebounds, 7 Assists, 2 Steals, 1 Block, 3 Turnovers, 3 Fouls, 22 Points
I might as well have written his grade before the game. In a start that literally blew Dave Benz's mind, Love got his double double in the game's first minute, then deciding to let Boogie and Pek grab some boards and avoided getting one the rest of the way. His best play of the night was undoubtedly his off the King's backboard outlet pass all the way cross court. He's awesome and I love him and he would never leave us! (right?)
Corey Brewer (A+/F-) - 34 minutes, 5-10 FG, 2-2 FT, 2 Rebounds, 1 Assist, 2 Steals, 2 Turnovers, 4 Fouls, 13 Points
Due to his insistence on alternating between brilliance and face-palm inducing incompetence, Brewer gets an A+ for even numbered plays and an F- for odd numbered plays.
Nikola Pekovic (A+) - 28 minutes, 8-12 FG, 4-6 FT, 9 Rebounds (7 of them offensive boards), 1 Block, 1 Turnover, 5 Fouls, 20 Points
Pek came back in style, physically intimidating the Kings to the point that they refused to even attempt to get an defensive board when he was around. Oddly though, he didn't attempt a single 3-pointer, which really hurt the team's spacing.
Ricky Rubio (A+) - 34 minutes, 2-4 FG, 3-4 FT, 2 Rebounds, 8 Assists, 1 Steal, 2 Turnovers, 4 Fouls, 8 Points
Barea got the start over Rubio due to his brilliant ability to take and miss hard shots and lull opponent's into a false sense of security. As we all know, PG's who start the game are ineligible to play the 4th quarter, so we got to see Rubio actually lead us to a win in the 4th. Adding to his already impressive repertoire, Rubio unleashed his new no-look shot to go along with his no-look passes.
Kevin Martin (B) - 34 minutes, 9-16 FG, 7-8 FT, 4 Rebounds, 2 Assists, 2 Steals, 1 Turnover, 26 Points
I didn't have to watch to be able to tell you that Martin made their perimeter guys look like Allen Iverson and that he made a bunch of awkward looking off the dribble jumpers and stumbled and spun around until getting foul calls. In what may be the least surprising event ever, he failed to rack up a foul despite moving out of the way of driving players and making no effort to close out shooters.
Dante Cunningham (D) - 27 minutes, 3-9 FG, 1-2 FT, 4 Rebounds, 1 Block, 4 Fouls, 7 Points
This is the easiest player on the team to write a report card for without watching. He shots 9 shots from the exact same spot on the floor while doing almost nothing else at all. He clearly didn't even consider dribble, as evidenced by his 0 turnovers.
Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (A++) 4 minutes, 0-1 FG, 0 Points
Luc got more minutes than he could handle tonight, as Adelman decided to ride him hard and rely on him to shut down Rudy Gay, who only had seemingly infinite points in the first half. Due to having essentially not played basketball in what feels like a few years due to well thought out lineup management, Luc forgot a few rules and immediately drew a defensive 3 second call. After the game Adelman promised to "never let that scrub touch the floor again".
Shabazz Muhammad (C) - 14 minutes, 0-2 FG, 0-2 FT, 2 Rebounds, 1 Block, 1 Turnover, 1 Foul, 0 Points
Showcasing his ability to play within himself, he limited himself to only 2 shots from the field. Not feeling comfortable having only missed 2 shots in a whole game, he bricked both of his FT's to complete a perfect efficiency game.
Chase Budinger (C) - 14 minutes, 3-6 FG, 2 Rebounds, 2 Fouls, 6 Points
After checking CH during a timeout, Bud saw that someone said he was shooting well from 3 but poorly from 2. He then went on miss all 3 three point attempts and drain all 3 two pointers. NOBODY TELLS BUD WHAT HE DOES.
JJ Barea :( - 16 minutes, 3-9 FG, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, 6 points
Instead of a grade, I give JJ the expression we all have when he enters the game. I can only assume all 3 of his makes were quadruple clutch, behind-the-back, off-the-shotclock layups and his 6 misses were off-the-dribble jumpers he jacked up before the shotclock could actually tick off a full second.
We won, that's what matters, and I know more about oncology than I did before this instant classic of a game.