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Canis Hoopus FAQ/Glossary (v 2.0)

It's summer and free agency and the wolves aren't doing anything and it's boring, so I thought maybe it would be might as well take a stab at updating our colloquial definitions. Here is the CH FAQ v1.0. Get the idea?

I figure collectively we have enough knowledge that each poster could define and link one en vogue term used around here - why are all probabilities related to Flip "50/50"? What's the deal with guys like Christ Johnson and Paul O'Pastries? Why was Derrick Williams referred to as "caged Lion" or Flipper or often quoted as saying "None, at all"? Why is the F-word censored, and what is its meaning? What, for godssakes, is a poop hat? These questions and more will be answered below - via you, links to external websites, images, past blog posts or comments.

if you're new around here, please feel free to ask any Qs as well!

All ideas for making this a success are welcome.

Canis Hoopus 2013 "worst case scenarios" pre-draft thread:

Shabazz_png_medium

Christ Johnson:

Chris "Christ" Johnson was a 10 day contract player back in the 2012-2013 season. Blessed with a large frame, hops, and minimal ability to gain weight, he was deemed to be the savior of our injury-ravaged team. On the same day he was signed, Johnson (along with Mickael "Jelly Belly" Gelabale) led his disciples (the Wolves) to the promised land (a win) against the Rockets. The name Christ was accidentally started by googoleeoottooooleeoottooooleeeatta in the 2nd half game thread. Seriously, read or re-read that thread, it was some of the most fun I’ve had watching a Wolves game in ages. Christ inspired all kinds of associated theological puns and imagery, thoroughly alienating a certain portion of the CH fanbase. E-6's immediate imagery:

2m6wjmg_medium

via oi50.tinypic.com

Derrick Williams legends:

Derrick Williams was a "basketball player" with the timberwolves selected in the second round in the 2011 draft. Wait, he was selected second overall? FML. Derrick Williams was initially known for bricking dunks and doing other boneheaded things that fit right in on the Timberwolves. His twitter account was a goldmine, spawning his first nickname, "caged lion" (and derivations like Simba), his go-to move, the "mud run," as well as the popular catchphrase "none, at all"

@RealDwill7: Anybody ever felt like a caged lion?" 4 Feb 2012

Ddublion_medium

via www.awolfamongwolves.com

@RealDwill7: I have no patience for anybody that doubts me. None, at all. 14 Oct 2013

The issue here is with Derrick’s amusing misuse of punctuation. Presumably, he meant it as "None. At all." Cynical Jason breaks it down for us:

"None. At all." Creates a fragment, but when a writer demonstrates that he understands punctuation, he generally gets license to break those rules for aesthetic effect. Flipper has demonstrated, in the placement of that comma, that he doesn’t understand punctuation.

His license is revoked.

DWill was also known as "Flipper" based on his strange shot, which saw him flap around in the air like the iconic dolphin.

Flipper_jpg_medium

S-Dolph? Really?! Thankfully, CaliWolf came up with "Flipper" and "FreeWilly" was also often used. However, the Lion/Dolphin/Whatever often got caught in the mud on his painfully lethargic eurostep drives to the rim ending in failed dunks or buckshot heaves. These would be known as "mud runs." CJ again:

Mud Run: A Derrick Williams drive to the basket in which he picks up his dribble too early, causing him to take two overlong steps before attempting a weak leap at the hoop, which results in either a charge or a blocked shot.

The only thing slower than a Mud Run was DWill's development curve. DWill apologists often noted that he missed training camp before the lockout shortened year, so his second season should really be treated like his first. This led many to proclaim him a "second year rookie" and later "third year rookie." Thankfully, he is no longer our problem.

1_medium

Flip Saunders

As far as Coaching goes, let me - you know, Dan, I'm pretty qualified to assess odds - and I think I'll just note that Flip is one of the coaches - we wanted experience, as far as coaching goes, Dan.

Flip Saunders has inspired several new memes with his frequent gaffes, and it's worth addressing them. First, Flip's speaking appearances are known as "word salad," a skill he might have picked up from Alexey. I don't know if I found the exact origins of this comment, but it is well known that it is an SNP-Ratty-in-St-Paul-ism who in the archives, is now known as VoxMediaUser1334751. Flip regularly spouts Word Salad on his 'Friday Funkadelic' feature on KFAN with Dan B. VoxMediaUser1334751 described it

here

(And, as you mention, it’s all speculation because the guy simply isn’t able to communicate things in detail. And when pushed on point x, y, or z, he immediately mansplains away with appeals to authority [his], the questioner’s lack of perspective [not his], or word salads.)

and this way:

The answer to any and all Wolves questions at this point cannot be answered without giving a nod to the elephant in the room: Flip is an idiot. A big one. Here’s how it will work out from here until the end of his tenure:

1- Do something stupid.

2- Text Dan at KFAN about something, something.

3- Go on the radio and prepare a word salad.

4- When challenged, fall back on the "YOU’RE NOT A PLAYER PERSONNEL GUY!!" card.

5- Profit.

"As far as" is the most common signal that you're listening to a word salad.

Flip is known for thinking in "50/50" terms; he'll often use phrases like "well, it'll either happen, or it won't". Like Glen Taylor, Flip is known for making the "comfortable" choice. Glen made a list of candidates for the POBO position, but "comfort w/Flip superseded all, never got to list." POBO Flip hired Flip to be coach of the team after a bunch of 'never say never' word salad; Glen Taylor was quoted saying "I feel comfortable in that area." Prior to drafting Zach LaVine, Flip wrote his name down on a piece of paper and put it in his pocket, saying "It was one of those things. I just felt he was going to be there." Flip later noted that LaVine leans forward when you talk to him - something that made him more comfortable drafting him. Finally, Flip has a bunch of other outs to player evaluation (aside from those that lean forward), that can be summed up in this Venn graphic. Notice that actually the only two circles that matter are Bill Duffy clients (Flip's friend for over 40 years) and Dad Played in NBA (Flip has even commented that this is something he likes).

Flip_medium

Forget it, Jake. It's Timberwolves:

CH used to have rotating taglines before our now-permanent 82-0. This one is a reference to Roman Polanski's all-time great 1974 neo-noir film Chinatown.

SMUT!:

Simply the greatest fanpost of all time: "Smut and the CH Community - a plea." Now used colloquially to refer to anything that could even remotely be considered a double entendre.

"This doesn't feel like a game thread":

Uttered towards the end of the season whenever people are too depressed to come to CH. My research may have concluded that this was first uttered by legendary troll WallyEllenson and later popularized by dropstep.

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