It's summer and free agency and the wolves aren't doing anything and it's boring, so I thought maybe it would be might as well take a stab at updating our colloquial definitions. Here is the CH FAQ v1.0. Get the idea?
I figure collectively we have enough knowledge that each poster could define and link one en vogue term used around here - why are all probabilities related to Flip "50/50"? What's the deal with guys like Christ Johnson and Paul O'Pastries? Why was Derrick Williams referred to as "caged Lion" or Flipper or often quoted as saying "None, at all"? Why is the F-word censored, and what is its meaning? What, for godssakes, is a poop hat? These questions and more will be answered below - via you, links to external websites, images, past blog posts or comments.
if you're new around here, please feel free to ask any Qs as well!
All ideas for making this a success are welcome.
Canis Hoopus 2013 "worst case scenarios" pre-draft thread:
Chris "Christ" Johnson was a 10 day contract player back in the 2012-2013 season. Blessed with a large frame, hops, and minimal ability to gain weight, he was deemed to be the savior of our injury-ravaged team. On the same day he was signed, Johnson (along with Mickael "Jelly Belly" Gelabale) led his disciples (the Wolves) to the promised land (a win) against the Rockets. The name Christ was accidentally started by googoleeoottooooleeoottooooleeeatta in the 2nd half game thread. Seriously, read or re-read that thread, it was some of the most fun I’ve had watching a Wolves game in ages. Christ inspired all kinds of associated theological puns and imagery, thoroughly alienating a certain portion of the CH fanbase. E-6's immediate imagery:
Derrick Williams legends:
Derrick Williams was a "basketball player" with the timberwolves selected in the second round in the 2011 draft. Wait, he was selected second overall? FML. Derrick Williams was initially known for bricking dunks and doing other boneheaded things that fit right in on the Timberwolves. His twitter account was a goldmine, spawning his first nickname, "caged lion" (and derivations like Simba), his go-to move, the "mud run," as well as the popular catchphrase "none, at all"
@RealDwill7: Anybody ever felt like a caged lion?" 4 Feb 2012
@RealDwill7: I have no patience for anybody that doubts me. None, at all. 14 Oct 2013
The issue here is with Derrick’s amusing misuse of punctuation. Presumably, he meant it as "None. At all." Cynical Jason breaks it down for us:
"None. At all." Creates a fragment, but when a writer demonstrates that he understands punctuation, he generally gets license to break those rules for aesthetic effect. Flipper has demonstrated, in the placement of that comma, that he doesn’t understand punctuation.
His license is revoked.
DWill was also known as "Flipper" based on his strange shot, which saw him flap around in the air like the iconic dolphin.
S-Dolph? Really?! Thankfully, CaliWolf came up with "Flipper" and "FreeWilly" was also often used. However, the Lion/Dolphin/Whatever often got caught in the mud on his painfully lethargic eurostep drives to the rim ending in failed dunks or buckshot heaves. These would be known as "mud runs." CJ again:
Mud Run: A Derrick Williams drive to the basket in which he picks up his dribble too early, causing him to take two overlong steps before attempting a weak leap at the hoop, which results in either a charge or a blocked shot.
The only thing slower than a Mud Run was DWill's development curve. DWill apologists often noted that he missed training camp before the lockout shortened year, so his second season should really be treated like his first. This led many to proclaim him a "second year rookie" and later "third year rookie." Thankfully, he is no longer our problem.
Forget it, Jake. It's Timberwolves:
CH used to have rotating taglines before our now-permanent 82-0. This one is a reference to Roman Polanski's all-time great 1974 neo-noir film Chinatown.
Simply the greatest fanpost of all time: "Smut and the CH Community - a plea." Now used colloquially to refer to anything that could even remotely be considered a double entendre.
"This doesn't feel like a game thread":
Uttered towards the end of the season whenever people are too depressed to come to CH. My research may have concluded that this was first uttered by legendary troll WallyEllenson and later popularized by dropstep.