Official Canis Hoopus FAQ

SNP here. Thanks to Wile E. Coyote for putting this together. I'm editing/adding a few things to the list and turning it into a page that can stick to the front of the site.


Canis Hoopus

Q. Why is this blog named Canis Hoopus?

A. Canis Lupus is the scientific/Latin name for the gray wolf. I'm guessing you can figure the rest out for yourself.

Q. What is the goal of Canis Hoopus?

A. As a product being consumed by a fairly specific group (Wolves fans), this site has to offer something that sets it apart from all of the other offerings available to its consumer group. Basic box scores and game wraps are something the Strib and PiPress handle, message boards are better handled by Real GM and MN Sports, ESPN has the national take, and so on and so forth.

This site is about 2 things: It’s a virtual bar and it trades in themes and stories. It is focused on not just the team but what the team means to fans, how other aspects of life can be rolled into its viewing, and all sorts of other things that exist above the nitty gritty of this, that, or the other specific contest.

Q. Does Canis Hoopus have a twitter account?

A. Yes, @canishoopus . A real puzzler that one.

Q. Why are all the game previews so one-sided/unrealistic?

A. Because it is funny, and Tim likes them that way.

Q. Why is there a recipe posted instead of a discussion of the awful game the Wolves just lost?

A. If the Wolves fail to expend any effort during a game, Stop-N-Pop seems to feel the same way about writing 1000 words to discuss said affair. So he posts tasty recipes instead. There is no known correlation between the recipe title/ingredients and the game that just occurred. SnP is partial to Korean recipes and cuisine but has been known to branch out. TimAllen has posted recipes as well.

Q. Why do people post a reply stating "HIS POINT STILL STANDS!"? What does this mean?

A. This is a humorous way of noting when a comment has been completely refuted with factual evidence. For example:

Bob: Wes Johnson is an elite shooter

Joe: Um, his career FG% is .395

PoorDick: HIS POINT STILL STANDS!

Q. What does the handle/username [some user name] mean (e.g. PoorDick)?

A. See this excellent post.

Q. Why does MAYNHOLUP post the way that he does? How can I translate it? Should I whine about it?

A. [MAYN - you want to post an answer the first one?] For translation, try urbandictionary.com. I'd recommend against whining, as MAYN is a valued long-time contributor to this site with more recommended posts than most of us.

Q. Why do people put % at the beginning and/or end of their comment?

A. It means the comment is sarcastic. e.g. % Flynn was an awesome distributor %

Terminology

Q. What is this magic unicorn and what does it have to do with Rubio?

A. For the longest time Ricky Rubio was a YouTube abstraction. He was the Lynyrd Skynyrd powered clip of amazing passes, loudly colored uniforms, and floppy hair. He was a basketball unicorn: Amazing to think about; never actually seen in the wild of the NBA.

Now he’s here. In a Wolves unicorn. Prancing around.

Unicorns exist.

Q. What does Darko Milicic have to do with the "manna from heaven"?

A. Manna from heaven is from the awesomely awesome summer league game where Kahn sat courtside with Chris Webber and explained that getting Darko on the team was like getting manna from heaven because a big like Darko would really allow the Zen Apprentice’s Broken Biangle to flourish and do amazing things. He said this even after Darko had played games in Minny. That’s the important thing. The Wolves President of Basketball Operations said these things after Darko had already played….at Target Center…in front of everybody…including the President of Basketball Operations.

At the end of the 2010/11 season the Wolves were 19-89 (.180) with Darko Milicic on the roster.

For those who are not biblically inclined, "manna from heaven" normally refers to the food God produced for the Israelites while they travelled through the desert after leaving slavery in Egypt.

Q. Is it a good idea to wear sombreros and talk a lot about burritos when speaking with Ricky Rubio to show you are a super fan?

A. Probably not. Surprising as it may be, Mexico is not the only Spanish speaking country in the world. Another is Spain, which is Ricky's country of origin. And Ricky's native tongue is actually Catalan.

Q. What is a POBO?

A. Acronym for Kahn's official title: President of Basketball Operations.

Q. What is "small area quickness"?

A. Kevin McHale said "His small-area quickness is outstanding" about Kevin Love after acquiring him in the draft night trade with the Memphis Grizzlies. Scientists are still struggling with the proper metric to measure this trait. After losing 25 pounds in the 2011 off season, Kevin Love may now possess large-area quickness as well.

Q. Who or what is a "manther"?

A. Manther = Bismack Biyombo. He is a man. He moves like a panther. Humans of that size should not be able to move like that. It is against nature. He is manimal.

Q. What does "banana sandwich" mean?

A. Banana sandwich is another name for "closer" or whatever made-up term people want to use to describe something that doesn’t actually exist. Example:

Shock jock: "Kevin Love doesn’t deserve a max deal because he’s not a closer."

Insert "banana sandwich" for "closer" and the two sentences mean the same thing.

Q. What does red pill/blue pill mean? Is this the morning after pill?

A. They refer to optimism vs. pessimism regarding the team. Red is the optimistic color. They are an Alice in Wonderland/Matrix reference to living in the dream world or going down the rabbit hole. No pill is generally available that will erase the memory of a bad Wolves loss the morning after watching the game.

Q. What is the story behind all the negative geometry references, such as ridiculous rhombus, broken biangle, and terrible tricycle?

A. These are all references to Kurt Rambis's ineffective implementation of the famous "triangle offense". The triangle, or triple post offense, was used by Phil Jackson in both Chicago and Los Angeles under the tutelage of assistant coach Tex Winter. The triangle might have been a good choice for the Timberwolves if they had employed:

  • A skilled center who could pass the ball
  • A skilled wing who could score in situations created by the triangle as well as going 1-on-1 when it broke down
  • Phil Jackson and Tex Winter

Timberwolves History

Q. What is Clippergeddon, why is it now related to New Orleans, and how does Marko Jaric's backward jersey fit in?

A. On August 12, 2005, Kevin McHale traded Sam Cassell and a protected first round draft choice to the Los Angeles Clippers for a sign&trade of Marko Jaric and Lionel Chalmers. Marko had a disappointing career in Minnesota, "highlighted" by an occasion in which he wore his jersey backward during a game. All protection on the first round draft pick has expired, so it will be an unprotected first round pick in the summer of 2012. Wolves fans termed this upcoming disaster "Clippergeddon." The pick was traded from the Clippers to the New Orleans Hornets as part of theChris Paul trade.

Q. Who is Corey Brewer? Why is it a concern if a current Wolves player reminds fans of Brewer? What is this about Corey's goat? Is it a real goat?

A. Corey Brewer is a SG/SF who was drafted 7th by the Timberwolves in 2007. His career here was marked by energetic defense, an inability to handle the ball, and a surprisingly high volume of shot attempts despite no evidence that he could make shots. His signature moment in a Wolves uniform was probably this great dunk over Derek Fisher. Brewer has a pet goat, shown here. No one is sure why.

Q. Who is Ndudi Ebi? Is he related to Doody Ebi?

A. Ndudi Ebi was a high school player drafted #26 by the Wolves in 2003. David Stern famously mispronounced his name as "Doody Ebi" when the pick was announced. The proper pronunciation was (IN'-dee EE'-bee). After the draft McHale crowed that the Wolves had a lot of experience drafting high school players, in reference to their famous selection of Kevin Garnett. McHale also stated it was their policy to alternate between "ready to play" draft picks and "high ceiling" draft picks, inferring Ebi was a "high ceiling" player requiring development. There is a 99.5% chance that this "alternating year" strategy was a figment of McHale's imagination. This was hard to verify, though, given that McHale's incompetence with the Joe Smith contract resulted in the Timberwolves not having any first round picks during the three years before Ebi was drafted. Ebi went on to accomplish nothing other than getting angry during Howard Pulley League games.

Q. What does "4th Quarter Foye" mean? Why does the name Foye make Wolves fans sweat profusely during the NBA draft?

A. During the 2006 NBA draft the Timberwolves drafted future All Star Brandon Roy. Wolves fans rejoiced. Then McHale then traded him for combo guard Randy Foye due to concerns over Roy's knees. Future Memphis star Rudy Gay was drafted immediately after Foye. Apparently if you can draft a healthy position-less bench player instead of a potential All Star with health or attitude questions, you have to do it. Foye went on to show he had neither the skills for the PG position nor the size and accuracy for the SG position. However, he did get hot during several fourth quarter rallies, leading the Wolves announcing crew to breathlessly anoint him "4th Quarter Foye". The acronym FQF was later derisively used to describe Foye, with the second F having a completely different meaning. Foye was later traded along with Mike Miller to Washington for the draft pick that became the magic unicorn Ricky Rubio. So we have that going for us ... which is nice.

Misc Wolves/Site Lore

Jaric_medium

Everything you need to know about Marko Jaric.

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Two peas in a pod.

Prod_medium

The hottest jersey in team history.

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Never forget.

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This was found in a folder labeled "Biangle".

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Michael Beasley is the only guy on the team who can create his own ankle injury.


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Cupcake was featured on the NBA.com's store page for the Wolves for nearly 9 months after his departure.

Mikang01dshnbsp2778_medium

This is the only picture I could find of George Mikan and his statue on the day of the dedication.

Cap_space_medium

More awesome jerseys from the Kahn era.

Bb_logo_primary_medium

Corey was always "most improved" in our hearts.

Gonnalovethiskid_medium

You're going to love Syracuse basketball.

Dontlookatmynumbers_medium

Darko also had a PR campaign.

Goatscoreybrewer_medium

In case you were wondering, the goat's name is Billy Joe Brewer.

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via 30.media.tumblr.com

Darkobacca_medium

Darkobacca

Star_wolves_a_new_hope_medium

More_medium

More ad campaigns

Timberwolves_upgrade_jpg_medium

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Windowsofopportunity_jpg_medium

via assets.sbnation.com

Pekandbear_medium

Pek v. Bear

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Never forget this, either

Shark-eagleshark2_medium

via www.bilgaines.com

Where sharks do battle with giant eagles.

Cp-got-stern_d_medium_medium

The Chris Paul deal explained.


Hkahz_medium

From tallfreaks.

Ajqiivlcqaaomvn_medium

The game thread after Love hit the 3 pointer against the Clips.

Screen-shot-2012-01-21-at-12-49-27-am_medium_medium

Our Dewey/Truman moment.

59yjoy_medium

via i43.tinypic.com


4nfzk_medium

via www.freeimagehosting.net


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