Thanks to the Ricky Rubio situation, I've had the chance to read a lot of reports on the subject from the New York media and it's taught me a great deal about how the world really works. Namely, that large cities have the right, nay, duty to publicly bitch about how they should have all of the best talent in the world. It's theirs and you will like it that way.
Seeing that Minneapolis/St. Paul is the 14th largest media market in the country, while we may not be the biggest fish in the pond, I figure that we are deserving of a little whining righteous demanding of our own. Here are some teams that owe us players via lopsided trades a'la Nate Robinson and Wilson Chandler for Ricky Rubio:
- 14- Cleveland, OH: Cardinal, Gomes, Brewer, Madsen and the team's 2010 1st round pick for LeBron James
- 15- Sacramento, CA: Cardinal and Brewer for Kevin Martin
- 18- Denver, CO: The LeBron package for Carmelo Anthony
- 21- Atlanta, GA: We'd appreciate it if Joe Johnson and his agent just made a big fuss or threatened to go to Europe in order to get out of his contract for this one.
- 23- Orlando, FL: We request that Dwight Howard throw a public hissy fit about how his coach's temperament isn't suitable for a championship run and demand to be traded to a bigger market like Mpls/St. Paul so he could have puppet commercials of his own with General Mills, Target, Best Buy, and, surprisingly, Alliant Techsystems. Look at those guns indeed.
- 24- Indianapolis, IN: We don't want anyone from Indy. Sorry.
- 25- Portland, OR: Now here's a good one. Are you telling me that the 25th largest media market in the United States has LaMarcus "Cures Cancer" Aldridge, Greg Oden, and Brandon Roy? How has this team slipped its way past the New York media? Where's Mike Vaccaro with a blog post about how he doesn't normally condone such behavior but, in this case, the entire East Coast media operation should be pushing for a B-Roy/Wilson Chandler and the 7th pick trade? Seeing that the good people of Portland are so obviously our media market lessers, I officially demand (and I don't normally do this) that Brandon Roy be returned to his rightful team in order to be paired with Ricky Rubio and Al Jefferson. Something along the lines of the 2010 1st rounder, Nikola Pekovic and Brian Cardinal should be sufficient. If Portland refuses to abide by these wishes, the entire media community of the Upper Midwest will unleash the hounds to ensure that it does. The Star Tribune, Pioneer Press, Des Moines Register, Bloomington Sun Current, Fargo/Moorhead Forum, Rochester Post-Bulletin, Mankato Free Press, Ames Tribune and Duluth News Tribune will be watching you Portland, Oregon. They'll be watching you.
- 28- San Antonio, TX: Seriously, you're 28th? Why don't you just give us Tony Parker?
- 29- Milwaukee, WI: We're going to get Brett Favre in purple. We already have what the cheeseheads want.
- 30- Salt Lake City, UT: I know the salary numbers don't exactly work out, but we will trade Mark Madsen for Deron Williams straight up. What's not to like about that one for the good church-going folk of SLC? (BTW: Did you know that Madsen spent his Mormon mission in Spain? I wonder if Ricky will want to hear about Joseph Smith.)
- 32- Charlotte, NC: Cardinal, Brewer, and Ellington for Gerald Wallace. The guy's not a Dukie or Tar Heel so it's not like Brown and Jordan really wanted him in the first place.
- 36- Oklahoma City, OK: OK, let me get this straight. Ricky Rubio would have been willing to lace it up in OKC because of the wonderful marketing opportunities with Mathis Brothers Furniture (3434 West Reno!), the Mile of Cars in Norman (shop Fowler Honda), and the opportunity to pal around with the Ogle brothers but somehow the Twin Cities don't offer him a platform for national (and international) marketing success? Hold on, I'm being distracted by something on the TV while I'm typing this:
Before I get back to typing I have to check something out in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated:
Ricky, if you can play, you have a home right next to the best player in football and the best player in baseball. Welcome aboard.
BTW: H/T to Poor Dick for the idea.