Last week, the NFL owners voted to change the overtime rules, opening the possibility that both teams will get the ball in overtime. Well, you could never accuse David Stern and the NBA league office of being behind the times; they all got together and brainstormed some overtime changes of their own.
We here at Canis Hoopus have managed to get our hands on the "ideas board" from the meeting, which says in big letters across the top, "NO IDEA IS A BAD IDEA." Below, the ideas that followed that invitation:
- Four-on-four in overtime! (NOTE: This idea was crossed out, and the words "Too Bettmanish" were written in red next to it.)
- One member of each team allowed to ride a horse during overtime.
- Road team allowed to yell insults through a megaphone; home team allowed to strategically place a kiddie pool for maximum advantage.
- NBA Daily Double: Each team allowed to wager any number of points on one free throw.
- In double overtime, there is no out-of-bounds. In triple overtime, home team is allowed to select one fan at random for six-on-five advantage, but fan must stay on the floor at all times, no matter how incompetent or out of shape.
- Any player committing more than two fouls must place his forehead on a bat and spin around ten times before rejoining the game.
- Each team allowed three water balloons, one of which is filled with shaving cream.
- Half-court shots count four points; hitting the rim from beyond half-court counts two points; missing the goal entirely from beyond half-court costs two points.
- Rock and Jock rules apply: One spot on the court is worth thirty points, but shot must be taken by Bill Bellamy.
- Any player with a mustache gets two extra fouls. Players of European descent are allowed to kick the ball without penalty. Canadian players can carry a hockey stick, but must also wear goalie leg pads.
- Random number generators are used to reset the shot clock arbitrarily to any value between three and 115 seconds.
- One player out of the five on the floor must be sitting at any given time. Breaking the rule is a technical foul.
- Bench players are allowed to carry Nerf guns.
- Any player who did not complete a four-year college degree must solve a mathematics word problem before being allowed to enter the game for overtime.
I'm sure you've got your own brainstorms. And remember: no idea - with the possible exception of those above - is a bad idea.