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The Top Ten Reasons The Wolves Signed Bonzi Wells

The Timberwolves yesterday signed Bonzi Wells, who hasn't played in the NBA since 2008. Wells, who is variously described as a "veteran presence" and a "hothead," may never see a minute in a regular-season game for Minnesota, instead functioning as a camp / practice player. Wells has been in camp for several days, but was only yesterday cleared by FIBA to sign a contract.

That said, it's a confusing signing, to say the least. After the jump, the top ten reasons the Wolves signed Wells.

  1. The team was looking for someone who remembers the Ford Administration.
  2. Other slightly older shooting guards, like George Gervin, were unavailable.
  3. The team has been looking to fill the all-important "make obscene gestures at fans" role.
  4. Having not played since 2008, he won't have seen how bad the Wolves have been lately in person.
  5. Everybody else wanted to be paid in money.
  6. The Wolves just wanted somebody new for Nik Pekovic to foul in practice.
  7. Rick Adelman needed someone he can trust to wear a wire into the locker room.
  8. David Kahn just realized he managed to construct an entire roster without a shooting guard, and got desperate.
  9. Wells can teach some young players the various lessons he's learned during his NBA career, such as "what to do if an opponent blocks the team bus in the parking lot and comes after you with a gun."
  10. Nobody could find Antoine Walker's phone number.