That would be the new name for Wolves fans if they swallow this nonsense:
The Timberwolves have won only 32 games over the past two seasons, but President David Kahn said the team still can attract quality players.
"I'm not concerned about our ability, now and in the future, to be able to attract a high-quality player here," Kahn said. "I think this city has a lot going for it. I think the weather is overstated. We have an indoor sport.
"We have a lot of players on our team right now who I think chose to come here. Luke Ridnour chose to come here.Anthony Randolph, from what I understand from his agent, was very excited about the ability to come here when there was a lot of trade talk.
"Michael Beasley told me just last week he loves it here, much better than Miami (where he played last season)."
Kahn, in his second year with the Wolves, remains determined to build a winner. He expects his team to contend for a playoff spot next season.
"I think what's important is that we have a first-class organization, that we build a winning program — and we have a lot of work to do in that area — but I still see there are brighter days ahead, and that we'll be able to attract our fair share of high-quality players," Kahn said.
We even get one of these:
"Historically in our league, there have been very, very few players who actually have chosen a place based on its location," Kahn said. "You can say Miami was chosen as a location (by James and Chris Bosh). I disagree with that. I think the reason Miami was chosen was because Dwyane Wade happened to be there.
Playoffs, free agency destination...next year. Of course, this was the same thing the team was saying last year:
#5 ME (via Wile E. Coyote): How is the team planning to define success next year? From a fan perspective, if next year is not about trying to win games and put the most competitive rotation on the floor, I will not watch. I cannot stand another year of abstract player evaluation, zero accountability for wins, and a general tank-a-thon to yet another draft.
CW: We've got to compete for a playoff spot next year. That is success on the court and with the potential of Rubio the year after, and one more round of free agency, and lotto in the event that we don't make the playoffs; all that being said, I think we will compete for the playoffs next year at this time and if we do not, I will be very disappointed. With this comes expectations of attendance. I think we should be averaging 16k people again.
Last night the Wolves had their most entertaining half of basketball against the Heat. They were aggressive, played decent defense (at times), made a nice rally, shot a bunch of 3s, and went to the half with the lead. Then the Heat decided that they were going to stop fooling around with no-look passes and loose play and they put the hammer down with a 25-1 run after the half.
For more April Fool's fun, here's an extended audio interview with Kahn on KFAN where he amazingly continues to talk in public about this team. Congratulations fans, you're stuck with this crew for another year. Hooray!