Wes Johnson: A Breakdown

Things Wesley Johnson Is Good At:

  1. Jumping - Wesley has the ability to jump some 43 inches in the air. To put that into perspective, that means he could rather easily jump on top of the head of the average four year old American boy from a standing position. Wow! Ouch!

  2. Managing to stay alive on the court with seemingly no pulse - Not only does Wes stay alive without a pulse, amazingly he is also able to maintain a slight degree of motor control allowing him to barely function as a basketball player. Unfortunately, all cognitive function is gone explaining why he cannot recall that he is a terrible perimeter shooter or solve simple equations such as how to put the ball in the hoop.

  3. Reaching things placed up high/changing light-bulbs - Given his extraordinary height (6'7), Wes would be an ideal grocery store companion or light bulb changer as he can easily reach places up high that most other humans cannot.

  4. Actor, Comedian, Cartoonist, Voice Artist - Based on the picture of a middle-aged white man accompanying the IMDB page, there exists a strong possibility that this is another Wesley Johnson.

  5. Competitive Eating - Our starting small forward placed 4th out of 11 in the marshmallow eating contest at the 2011 Cook County Fair. NOTE: UNCONFIRMED

  6. Smiling - Even his harshest critics have to agree that Wesley has a nice smile (not as nice of one as our dearly departed, Corey Brewer, but then again, who does?)


Things Wesley Johnson Is Not Good At:

  1. Basketball