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Biggest Rival: There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne...

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Presswire

Wednesday again, and that means a new theme post of the week. This time, we're talking about rivalries. Click here to see everyone else's thoughts on their biggest rivals.

Do we have a rival?

I think it's a fair question. For sure, there have been teams that certain iterations of our beloved Puppies have not gotten along so well with. There was that time we were an expansion team with the Magic and they got Shaq and we....didn't. We played a exhibition series in Tokyo against the Chris Webber-era Kings that sort of ignited a bit of a feud. Kevin Garnett always had honorable standoffs with Karl Malone, and has and always will be compared to Tim Duncan.

But no, I wouldn't say we have any lasting, transcending grudge against another team. Not like you found with the Lakers/Kings, Lakers/Spurs, Lakers/Suns, the Knicks and Nets, the Texas Trio, the old Jazz and Sonics. Nothing like Jordan's Bulls and the Jazz or Pacers. Certainly nowhere near the Lakers and Celtics.

But that's about to change for sure, because we're all set to have a classic, long, bitter war with the Trailblazers.

Why would we hateth each other so? Let us count the ways:

  • We play in the same division
  • We have one of their most popular former coaches
  • And one of their most popular former pro players
  • And one of their most popular former high school players
  • And one of their most popular former journalists (an open debate whether this is a reason for them to hate us or for us to hate ourselves...)
  • We (inadvertently) exposed a rather sophisticated power grab scheme against their owner by their now former GM (Kevin Pritchard) and AGM (Tom Penn)
  • That one time we traded Roy for Foye
  • That one time Kevin Love beat out LaMarcus Aldridge for an All Star spot
  • We acquired Martell Webster from them, then accused them of being liars
  • Then we demanded draft picks as compensation. An issue that still isn't resolved
  • Then we tried to sign Nicolas Batum for way more than they think he's worth, in a summer drama that resulted in them insulting our state and the rest of America calling them nuts

So....yeah. It's on. Like LeBronkey Kong. We look forward to many many years of epic playoff battles win and tear-inducing flame wars.