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Ugly Sweater Power Rankings

This isn't a sponsored post.

Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Something called Clarks Toys has produced Ugly Sweaters by Forever Collectibles.

"Hey, you, get off my cloud. You don't know me and you don't know my style."

I'm going to rank these atrocities. Each jersey is equipped with Ugly and Wearability Scores. There is no formula for the point system. It just is the way it is. These are my opinions. Looking forward to your seeing your thoughts.

#31 The Pelicans

Pelicans Sweater

I don't know if I can even call this ugly, which is why the New Orleans Pelicans sweater ranks dead last. See if I were in high school, or college, and my favorite team was the Pelicans, I would rock the **** out of this thing. But, alas, I'm not a student and I really don't care for the Pelicans.

I wear business casual attire on a daily basis. Not sure when I'd be able to wear this thing. It's a nice sweater, though. Too much wearability and not enough ugly. One of 'em had to finish last.

Ugly Score: 1
Wearability: 8

#30 The Suns

Phoenix Suns Ugly Sweater

Admittedly, I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, and lived there for a while - I own a good amount of Phoenix Suns apparel.

Orange and black are colors that, I think, go well together. However, what we have above is more of a Halloween themed piece of clothing. I envision my little sister branding me a pumpkin if she were to ever see me wearing this. I don't think this sweater is very ugly. And, again, there's just too much wearability here.

Ugly Score: 3
Wearability: 9

#29 Nuggets

Nuggets Ugly Sweater

There a isn't doubt in my mind, this is where outrage over these rankings will begin.

Yes, the yellow and baby blue make for a good looking jersey, but the same isn't true for this particular sweater.

The biggest issue I have with this sweater: Yellow sleeves.

Some of you may believe this will be easy to keep clean. Well, I bet you've said that before about another piece of clothing in your possession. How'd that work out?

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 2

#28 Kings

Kings Ugly Sweater


I love black, grey and white as much as anyone. These are really the only colors I wear to work (even though they're not 'technically' colors). That said, you couldn't get me to wear this thing - it's a travesty they didn't include the color purple.

Any ugly sweater representing the Sacramento Kings should include the color purple.

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 3

#27 Cavaliers

Cavaliers Ugly Sweater

Where do I begin?

"Wine" is not a color I consider to be wearable and, as much as I like argile, this just isn't doin' it for me. It's hideous. I gave it a reasonable wearability score because there are some people who could probably pull this look off.

Also: The sleeves being different colors did not help.

Ugly Score: 5
Wearability: 7

#26 Heat

Heat Ugly Sweater

I emailed my Mom and told her to tell me which she thought to be the ugliest. This was her #1 answer.

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 7

#25 Warriors

Warriors Ugly Sweater

The yellow sleeves strike again. Royal blue is superior to baby blue, but this design is boring. The Warriors have another sweater on this list that ranks much higher.

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 3

#24 Brooklyn

Brooklyn Nets Ugly Sweater

You see that white sleeve? Good luck to anyone wearing this Brooklyn Nets sweater.

Ugly Score: 5
Wearability: -6

#23 Raptors

Raptors Ugly Sweater

Ugly Score: 3
Wearability: 8

#22 Pacers

Pacers Ugly Sweater

Navy Blue > Royal Blue > Baby Blue. (See #25.)

Ugly Score: 2
Wearability: 6

#21 Hawks

Hawks Ugly Sweater

Ugly Score: 9
Wearability: 2

#20 Wizards

Wizards Ugly Sweater

Numbers #21 and #20 are interchangeable. Never really been a big fan of the dark blue mixed with the bright red.

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 5

#19 Pistons

Pistons Ugly Sweater

Turns out I'm not a big fan of red and blue on the same sweater.

Ugly Score: 6
Wearability: 3

#18 Clippers

Clippers Ugly Sweater

Again, here we are. Red and blue. There's a lot going on in this sweater. Argyle looks great. Those trees, though, they look funny.

Ugly Score: 6

#17 Grizzlies


The Grizzlies lettering in this sweater reminds me of highway art in the Southwest states, like Arizona and New Mexico. Not a bad thing. But I'm ranking ugly winter sweaters. This does seem very wintery. Very wearable, though.

Ugly Score: 7
Wearability: 9

#16 Rockets

Rockets Ugly Sweater

Fans of the Ohio State Buckeyes may take like to this sweater.

Ugly Score: 7
Wearability: 3

#15 Magic

Orlando Magic Ugly Sweater

Yea. I dated a girl in high school once who made fun of me for wearing a black and blue sweater. Told me I looked like a giant bruise. Clearly, emotionally, I never recovered from that.

Ugly Score: 8
Wearability: 10 (Unless traumatized)

#14 Sixers

Sixers Ugly Sweater

I admit, there's something almost patriotic about this one. Logically, this should be rated ~20 because of the colors, but something about this Sixers makes it extra ugly - which helps its case.

Ugly Score: 7
Wearability: 4

#13 Bulls

Bulls Ugly Sweater

I'm sure I will see this being worn by someone over the next few months. It feels like, when I go into public, there's always someone out there wearing Bulls apparel.

Ugly Score: 5
Wearability: 10

#12 Blazers

Blazers Ugly Sweater

This sweater is just cool. It's just not ugly enough to be rated higher on this list.

Ugly Score: 3
Wearability: 9

#11 Timberwolves

Timberwolves Ugly Sweater

Nothing the aforementioned former girlfriend said or did ever prevented me from supporting my favorite team, no matter how ugly the gear is. Like the Blazers sweater, the Wolves sweater is dope (I'm bias) but it isn't ugly enough to receive a top-10 ranking.

Ugly Score: 3
Wearability: 10

#10 Mavs
(Making this list is harder than I thought it would be.)

Dallas Mavericks

Those blue sleeves really stick out don't they? Looks like scuba gear.

Ugly Score: 8

#9 Spurs

Spurs Ugly Sweater

Love the argyle and the Spurs logo looks good, as well as the snowflakes and pine trees. But a grey, black and white sweater can only be so ugly, you know?

Ugly Score: 7
Wearability: 9

#8 Lakers

Lakers Ugly Sweater

This one is probably ranked higher than it should be, I'll admit it. But, because the purple and gold are the same colors used by the Minnesota Vikings, it really, really is a hideous looking sweater. Sadly, because it is a Lakers sweater, it does have some wearability. Like the Bulls sweater from before, people probably already own this and are wearing it right now.

Ugly Score: 9 
Wearability: 8

#7 Bucks

Bucks Ugly Sweater

Note: This is where it became really, super tough to rank these things. So, Bucks sweater, you've finished last among the upper echelon of this list. Good job, good effort, really! If this was strictly an ugly Christmas sweater list, you'd be at the top, for sure.

Ugly Score: 9
Wearability: 8

#6 Celtics

Celtics Ugly Sweater

Anyone attending any Saint Patricks Day themed Holiday Parties this winter?

Ugly Score: 10
Wearability: 9

#5 Jazz

Jazz Ugly Sweater

The Jazz have themselves a really nice, fine looking sweater here. It's ugly. It's classy. You can wear it year round and I think it would receive compliments from strangers you may run into.

Ugly Score: 8
Wearability: 10

#4 These are all hideous.

However, it wasn't until just now I saw them on the website. They're all unique but should be classified as one jersey. But I'm not going to post a picture. See for yourself here.

Thus, now we have the ugliest of the ugly sweaters. 
#3 Knicks

Knicks Ugly Sweater

Feels like a lot of this things the Knicks do can be pretty ugly. This sweater is no different.

Ugly Score: 10
Wearability: 8

#2 Hornets

Hornets Ugly Sweater

This is magical. It's really everything you could want in an ugly sweater.

Ugly Score: 10
Wearability: 9

#1 Thunder


Russell Westbrook would approve, I'm sure.

Ugly Score: 10
Wearability: 0