It was announced yesterday afternoon that a sequel of the hit 1996 movie Space Jam is in the works with Cleveland Cavaliers' star LeBron James possibly replacing Michael Jordan as the leader of the Tune Squad. Now, I know what you're probably thinking. You think this is a good idea. You think this should happen. The first Space Jam was *insert multiple flame emojis* and it has needed a sequel for over a decade now, right?! Well, guess what? YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.
The biggest question that needs to be addressed here is why sully perfection? Space Jam had the impeccable combination of terrible acting by the greatest basketball player of all time, familiar faces (both cartoon and human), and bending of reality that was perfect for both child and adult. Adults want to see this movie with their children for a number of reasons:
1. They wanted to see the seemingly-great-at-everything-except-for-minor-league-baseball Michael Jordan act.
2. Bill Murray was in the film and who doesn't love Bill Murray?
3. The movie also had that one guy who gets eaten by the tar-spitting dinosaur in Jurassic Park.
4. Space Jam allowed for an avenue to bond with their children over basketball and cartoon characters who were familiar to them both. Space Jam 2 isn't going allow for such love between family members as is being created out of total fan service for the adult, with out regard to recognizable characters for the children.
Sure, the kids know who LeBron is, but, as sad as it may be, the Looney Tunes haven't been relevant for the past, like, 15 years. Have Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and company even been on TV since the early 2000's? Do kids these days even know of the greatness that is the Tasmanian Devil? Walk up to your average eight-year-old and I guarantee they have no idea who Elmer Fudd is. Pepé Le Pew? More like Pepé Le Who. If Space Jam 2 is going to be a hit with the kids, it is going to need to star cartoon characters that kids know of, and since I'm not a kid, I don't know who that would even be.
And another thing: Space Jam 2 is probably going to have to introduce a new character similar to what they did with Lola Bunny in the original and there is no way they can top the badassery that is Lola Bunny. She can't be topped. It simply can't be done. She was the best Looney Tune in terms of basketball skills and raw, unadulterated awesomeness. Any new character would be an utter disgrace.
This is all an utter disgrace. A DISGRACE, I TELL YOU. Why does every good thing that happened back in the 90's need to be remade? Why can't we just let good things be? I FEEL LIKE MY CHILDHOOD IS UNDER ATTA.... Hold up. Oh god. This is why people don't like us Millenials, isn't it. Oh my, I'm so sorry. I take everything I said back. Go see the movie when it comes out. I need to go take a shower to cleanse myself of my generational ways.