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Big Bat, BIG KAT

Karl Anthony Towns: The Sultan of Swat

Dearest Karl-Anthony,

This hurts. You’re just throwing it in our faces at this point. I’m a blogger, with bad knees, that can barely make a free throw. You are a 20 year old, 7-footer that’s supposed to be a gangly, uncoordinated mess. My 6’4” frame can barely make it across the room without knocking into something. How the hell are you doing this?

Okay, right, you’ve been trained to dunk basketballs for most of your life. I get that. With the amount of time that you’ve put into your craft, you should be able to perform these feats of justice. But this? This is uncalled for...

Winning a home run derby challenge at the John Calipari Celebrity Softball Game makes us all look bad, KAT. I play softball once a year. I ground out to the pitcher, hit pop fly’s to short, and I can’t lift my arms for the next two weeks. Maybe it’s your Dominican blood, maybe it’s because you’re originally from Krypton, maybe I’m really out of shape and just realizing it as I write this blog.

But let’s get serious, KAT. Home Run Derbies are serious affairs. Every year, the MLB home run champion runs into an injury or slump after the All-Star Break. Justin Morneau? Ever heard of him? There’s a curse out there, Karl-Anthony. There’s no need to test it. The Home Run Derby, the Madden cover, the Curse of the Billy Goat. These are things that we weren’t concerned with previously. But now that you’ve crossed over into other sports, we need to have these on our radar so that we can do just the right amount of voodoo to protect those precious limbs. All we’re asking for is a little heads up next time.

Please and thank you,


More to come...