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Wolvescast Digest: Yvan Eht Nioj

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One taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me how to be a toxic bully

Michael Beasley is holding an iPad at Bucks media day and the screen behind him shows his face turning into a slug face with a snapchat filter. Beas looks confused and his hair is wild. The slug looks happy tho.

Welcome to Wolvescast Digest, a weekly roundup of NBA odds and ends related to ... I made this part italic so your brain would realize you don’t need to read it. This paragraph is here every week, do you expect me to believe you’re still reading it? The only thing you really need to know is that when I say enjoy this week’s digest, I don’t mean what’s happening in your tummy ... leave a comment with anything that you feel deserves inclusion.

Once there was parable about a hardworking cactus and a lazy armadillo. This parable was passed down from generation to generation because it’s hard to express yourself honestly but also in a language that is clear to others. That’s why marriages need counselors and species that mate for life are silent from birth. Stories exist because it’s the best way to communicate an idea and have it resonate in the recipient’s sternum and medulla oblongata. We always talk about how much carbon we create, but nobody ever asks how much carbon we deserve. Makes you think, doesn’t it? If you could wish for one thing, I’d wish for more genies. Makes you think.

Personally, I Prefer “Timber-Ws”

After listening to last night’s national broadcast, I’m here for Jim Pete’s awareness campaign.

Alternative Theories About Why Thibs Still Has A Job

  • He has compromising or incriminating photos of Glen.
  • Glen knows that Thibs is trying to get fired to collect that severance, so he’s waiting for him to resign out of spite.
  • Glen doesn’t know how ZIP RECRUITER makes hiring a breeze. Get started today at ZipRecruiter.com/w0lvescast.
  • Fred Hoiberg hasn’t been fired yet.
  • Thibs is more persuasive than we give him credit for:

I googled “how much does a private jet ride cost” for this and now I’m going to be served bougie ads for weeks. I hope you’re happy.

The don’t cost as much as I thought they would. (NewsCut: In the NBA economy, millionaires give millionaires a hand)

We have the facts and we’re voting fart noise

Ghostface Ziller Spitting Facts

Thibodeau is guilty of malpractice for allowing this to happen. He’s the don of the team — he controls the coaching staff and the front office. There’s nowhere else to pass blame. Even if he handles Butler appropriately from here, he should be on the next train out of town. This is as sloppy as anything Phil Jackson did in New York. This might actually prevent Thibodeau from ever being a head coach in the NBA again. Does he realize this? Does he realize how badly the Butler fiasco has ruined his reputation?

This is ugly. The one way to start the clean-up process is to get Butler out of there, one way or another.

(Link: Jimmy Butler is ruining the Timberwolves’ season and maybe their future)

The Military Industrial God Complex

(h/t u/Theweezo)

Get Ate

It Sounds Like This Week’s Jon Krawczynski Show Contains All The Spice

I still like the You Betcha Basketball name ... (Link: The Jon Krawczynski Show)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Last Season’s Average Attendance: 17,056 (21st in the NBA)

This Season’s Average Attendance: 14,948 (29th in the NBA)

Only the Hawks averaged less than 15,000 fans per game last season.

We’re like Midas but with poop instead of gold

This is a really good read that we mentioned on last week’s podcast.

My Favorite Britt Robson Paragraph of the Week

But on a night initially marred by Butler’s attention-grabbing shenanigans and the announcement of injuries to point guards Jeff Teague and Tyus Jones, Wolves guard Derrick Rose had his own throwback on tap, pouring forth a performance that ranks among the best of his storied career. His backcourt mate, rookie Josh Okogie, oiled the gears of the Wolves defense with the high-octane lubricant of his overwhelming desire. Young cornerstones Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins emerged from their seesaw battles with their virtues and vices with joyous satisfaction. And the short-handed Wolves won an extended 128-125 thriller over the Utah Jazz — in which the teams were within three points of each other for all of the final seven minutes of the game.

Britt could be the only writer at The Athletic and it would still be worth the cost of a subscription.

This Week’s Wallpaper for Your Phone

A grainy illustration of Towns dunking a basketball. It’s black and white and very artsy fartsy in my opinion

Lindsay Whalen Flexing Is My Favorite Thing This Week

The nameplate on the door, at the end of a long hall overlooking the court in the University of Minnesota’s new practice facility, reads, “Lindsay Whalen, Head Basketball Coach.” Walk in and your eyes go right to the coffee table, where Whalen’s eight WNBA and international championship rings and four Olympic and world championship gold medals are on display.

If you thought having a WNBA and Minnesota hoops legend as a coach would be good for recruitment, you were right.

Stollings never signed a Minnesota recruit out of high school, but Whalen quickly gained a verbal commitment from Stillwater High guard Sara Scalia. Shortly after, the Gophers signed Mercedes Staples, a point guard from Utah bound for Clemson who asked for her release following a coaching change. ESPNHoopGirlz ranked her 64th in the 2018 class. A big fan of the WNBA and Whalen, Staples almost freaked out when Whalen texted her.

“It was like, Lindsay Whalen texted me? She has my number? It was crazy. I was like, ‘No way,’” Staples said. “Minnesota wasn’t even an option my first time around. The previous staff contacted me like once or twice, and after that they switched, so I’m like, ‘OK, they’re out.’ Then I got that text, and here I am.”

The Whalen effect:

And at the gate, the Whalen effect is obvious. Gophers season-ticket sales almost doubled, from about 1,300 to 2,500.

Respond in the Comments: What proof do you have that we aren’t living in hell?