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Canis Pulsus - Vol. 4 Results

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The Minnesota Timberwolves receive a 1.23 GPA for their progress report.

Yuck. It’s been a sad trudge through the Minnesota Timberwolves season thus far, but it’s time for Canis Hoopus to send Glen Taylor his progress report. We had ourselves 66 graders this time!

How did the Canis hivemind grade?

(Note: Canis Pulsus Vol. 4 data was collected after the loss to the 76ers.)


Which player have you been MOST impressed with so far?

New Orleans Pelicans v Minnesota Timberwolves Photo by David Sherman/NBAE via Getty Images

Malik Beasley (45%)

No surprise here, as Malik Beasley has been one of the few players to have not completely disappointed us. There was a lot of skepticism when Beasley was initially signed this offseason, but he has continued the hot shooting display from the end of last season. Our very own Derek James goes further into Beasley’s performance in this week’s piece here which I highly recommend you check out.

Full voting results:

Which player have you been LEAST impressed with so far?

Philadelphia 76ers v Minnesota Timberwolves Photo by David Sherman/NBAE via Getty Images

D’Angelo Russell (45%)

What’s that $28,649,250 elephant in the room? That’s none other than our second franchise cornerstone, D’Angelo Russell. He has yet to show an ability to live up to his billing as an all-star, let alone starting, point guard in the NBA this season, based on nearly every metric available. I was slightly surprised to see Juancho Hernangomez come in as the runner-up on this list, as I thought maybe CH would have forgotten about his mind-numbingly bad play since he’s been out due to health and safety protocols for nearly a month. I also did not expect Karl-Anthony Towns to pop-up on this list, although his rightful unavailability has been unfortunate.

Full voting results:

The grade I would give the players (as a whole) thus far is...

Memphis Grizzlies v Minnesota Timberwolves Photo by Jordan Johnson/NBAE via Getty Images

C- (24.6%)

Average: Between C- ~ D+

It’s now become a “chicken or the egg” argument when discussing if it’s the players who are playing poorly, or the coaching staff that hasn’t been correctly utilizing them. As you’ll see in the results of the next question, CH is giving more slack to the players. 63.1% of graders gave our roster a passing grade of C- or above.

Full voting results:

The grade I would give the coaching staff thus far is...

Cleveland Cavaliers v Minnesota Timberwolves Photo by David Sherman/NBAE via Getty Images

F (47%)

Average: Between D ~ D-

Nearly half of CH graders gave the coaching staff a big, fat F. It’s hard to argue against this grade, as there have been many losses that were tied directly to the coaching ineptitude. The Anthony Edwards timeout situation. The Jarred Vanderbilt free throw situation. The imprisoning of Jaden McDaniels. Multiple times of the sad dual point guard lineup to close games. The “No Play Calls Allowed” offense. The “No Defense Allowed” defense. Ok. I’m sad again.

Full voting results:

The grade I would give the front office thus far is...

Minnesota Timberwolves v Portland Trail Blazers Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images

C (24.6%)

Average: Between C- ~ C

The front office somehow walked away from this progress report with the highest grade of the three, scoring an average C grade. Low bar. I would probably accredit that to the “On paper we shouldn’t be this bad!” feeling. In Canis Pulsus Vol. 3, CH gave Rosas a B+ grade on the draft and a B grade on free agency so it was natural to see some back-peddling now that we’ve seen the yucky result on the court.

Full voting results:

Will the Timberwolves make the playoffs?

Minnesota Timberwolves v Cleveland Cavaliers Photo by David Liam Kyle/NBAE via Getty Images

No (92%)

59% of voters from Canis Hoopus Vol. 3 said “No” to this answer. A little over 2 months later, that pessimism has grown by 33%. At this rate, it won’t be long before we’re mathematically eliminated from the play-in game, let alone the playoffs. However there’s still 8% of CH who believes that it’s possible. Maybe that belief comes from hope in a coaching change, a roster change, or just simply the return of KAT and a herculean effort.

Full voting results:

If you were the General Manager instead of Rosas, what is 1 thing you would do?

I think there’s some real accomplishable goals here! There’s also some comedy so I truly advise you to check out the full list of answers. Here were the 3 that I think we’re ready to move forward on though:

3) Avoid the Mankato Lasagna dinner.

2) Look for a very tall and structurally sound pine tree.

1) Recruit KG to Launch a Coup against Glen.

If you were the Head Coach instead of Saunders, what is 1 thing you would do?

Once again, Canis Hoopus comes up with some entirely realistic and helpful ideas. I know this is Ryan’s first go as a Head Coach so I think it would be wise of him to heed the advice of our experienced comments-section! Here are 3 easy ideas:

3) Keep my mask on during the game, but seriously, play at least 3 shooters with Rubio as often as possible. Beasley cannot be the only shooter in his lineups.

2) Lose the static nothingball disadvantage offense.

1) Pay off my student loans and mortgage.

With 18 games played, my feelings on the direction of the Timberwolves are...

Very Pessimistic (46%)

We’re at a total of 66.2% pessimistic versus 18.5% optimistic. I prefer to side with the 15.4% who voted neutral, or just don’t care anymore. The Timberwolves have run their annual course on us and whittled away most slivers of hope, although there are still some brave souls out there. It was fun while it last though, right everyone?

Full voting results:

Link to the full results: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/159o0NI41E0QnmIaSsx8BhEcceqPGEZMviu6abH3aUII/edit?usp=sharing


Thanks for playing judge, jury, and executioner! Canis Pulsus is a project for you, by you, so please let us know if you have any feedback for our next edition - 1st Semester Grades!