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Canis Pulsus - Vol. 29: Quarterly Report 1

It was one of the most successful stretches of basketball in Timberwolves history. Let’s take the Canis Hoopus temperature to see if they agree.

It’s December, 2023. Do you know where your children are Timberwolves are? Take a look at the NBA standings. No, no. Adjust your sightline. Don’t look down there. Close your Tankathon.com tab, because Minnesota is at the very top. This is not an illusion. This is real life, baby.

Minnesota Timberwolves v Charlotte Hornets Photo by Matt Kelley/Getty Images

Welcome to Canis Pulsus Vol. 29!

For those of you who have been ignoring this series (for good reason, no offense taken) — Canis Pulsus is designed to give our Canis Hoopus community a published voice.

A pulse, if you will.

We all know that if CH occupied all seats of the Minnesota Timberwolves front office, we would be celebrating our 35th consecutive championship this year. So now is your time to be the teacher/professor/my mom. How would you grade the performances of each member of the Timberwolves?

It’s a simple concept, really. Just submit your vote as honestly or sarcastically as you would like. All individual submissions will remain anonymous so no one will know if you were the one voter who gave Shake Milton an A+ grade. Once the polls close, the results as a whole will be published on Canis Hoopus and (in theory) be snail mailed to everyone’s parents.


Canis Pulsus Vol. 29 - Quarterly Report 1 (‘23-‘24)

Vote link: https://forms.gle/NfDWQWkyTJs9qi3V7

*Voting ends Monday, 12/11*

  1. Grade each player’s performance so far this season.
  2. Grade the coaching staff’s performance so far this season.
  3. Grade the front office’s performance so far this season.
  4. Grade ownership’s performance so far this season.
  5. Will the Timberwolves make the play-in tournament?
  6. Will the Timberwolves make the playoffs?
  7. With 1/4 of the season over, my feelings on the direction of the Timberwolves are...
  8. What do you hope the Timberwolves accomplish during the next quarter of the season the MOST?

Link to previous Canis Pulsus results