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Canis Pulsus - Vol. 25: Semester 2 Report Card

The Wolves pre-postseason is officially over, so that means it’s time to submit your grades. What does your report card look like?

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure we are all still asleep and living in my NBA 2K23 simulation from October 2022. What a weird journey it’s been so far and somehow, it’s still continuing. No matter how many times the Wolves have been knocked down, run over, and punched by a teammate/wall, they keep crawling back to their feet. The dream for championship number uno continues!

Let’s just get right to it.

Welcome to Canis Pulsus Vol. 25

For those of you who have been ignoring this series (for good reason, no offence taken) — Canis Pulsus is designed to give our Canis Hoopus community a published voice.

A pulse, if you will.

We all know that if CH occupied all seats of the Minnesota Timberwolves front office, we would be celebrating our 34th consecutive championship this year. So now is your time to be the teacher/professor/my mom. How would you grade the performances of each member of the Timberwolves? Also, how would you grade their trade deadline moves?

It’s a simple concept, really. Just submit your vote as honestly or sarcastically as you would like. All individual submissions will remain anonymous so no one will know if you were the one voter who leaked Kyle Anderson’s audio and gave him an F. Once the polls close, the results as a whole will be published on Canis Hoopus and (in theory) be snail mailed to everyone’s parents.

Canis Pulsus - Vol. 25: Semester 2 Report Card

Vote link:

*Voting ends Sunday, 4/16*

  1. Grade each player’s performance so far this season.
  2. Grade the coaching staff’s performance so far this season.
  3. Grade the front office’s performance so far this season.
  4. Grade ownership’s performance so far this season.
  5. With the regular season over, my feelings on the direction of the Timberwolves are...
  6. What do you hope the Timberwolves realistically accomplish during the postseason?

Previous Canis Pulsus Results:

Canis Pulsus Vol. 1 - NBA Draft Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. 2 - ‘20-’21 Offseason Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. 3 - ‘20-’21 Season Prediction Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. 4 - Quarterly Report (2020-2021)
Canis Pulsus Vol. 5 - Coaching Change Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. 6 - First Semester Grades (2020-2021)
Canis Pulsus Vol. 7 - 3rd Quarter Report (2020-2021)
Canis Pulsus Vol. 8 - Hoopus Awards
Canis Pulsus Vol. 9 - Final Grades and Awards (2020-2021)
Canis Pulsus Vol. X - 2021 NBA Draft & Free Agency Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. XI - Ben Simmons Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. XII - ‘21-’22 Predictions
Canis Pulsus Vol. XIII - Quarterly Report 1 (2021-2022)
Canis Pulsus Vol. XIV - Semester 1 Report Cards (2021-2022)
Canis Pulsus Vol. XV - Trade Deadline Reactions
Canis Pulsus Vol. XVI - Quarterly Report 3 (2021-2022)
Canis Pulsus Vol. XVII - Final Report Cards (2021-2022)
Canis Pulsus Vol. XVIII - Memories Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. XIX - Tim Connelly Edition
Canis Pulsus Vol. XX - 2022 Offseason Reactions
Canis Pulsus Vol. 21 - ‘22-’23 Wolves Predictions
Canis Pulsus Vol. 22 - Quarterly Report 1 (2022-2023)
Canis Pulsus Vol. 23 - First Semester Report Cards (2022-2023)
Canis Pulsus Vol. 24 - Quarterly Report & Trade Grades (2022-2023)